Can Spring Replace the Surreal?

When crazy weather is the only thing that makes perfect sense.

Photo by Mike Kelly on Unsplash

Yesterday morning, after the overnight snowfall melted, a flock of robins landed in the hayfield, perhaps picking worms out of the saturated ground. Robins are meant to be a sure sign of spring, but then more snow began to fall, the temperatures dropped, and now winter again hides any hint that it is fading.

Lately, I have been tending to keep my focus on the natural world. I find my comfort there. Even with the waters rising, even with all seasons in a single day, nature still makes sense to me. Nature is still sane and logical despite the chaos of our culture and country. Yes, it seems that the weather has ‘gone crazy,’ but there are logical reasons for its behavior. As for the human environment, logic and reason seem to have evaporated.

Our landline phone number is one number off from the local pharmacy’s phone number, and one number different than the local hardware store. If the phone rings and the Caller ID shows a local number and name I don’t recognize, I typically don’t answer it. When the answering machine picks up, that’s pretty much enough to let them know they need to dial again.

But over the last few weeks, the same local name/number has been calling off and on, hanging up before the six rings required to kick in the answering machine. This morning, on the fourth round of ringing, I decided to answer the call.

“Hello?”

“This is Walgreen’s phone number.”

“No, I’m sorry. It isn’t. You have dialed the wrong number.”

“It says right here on the bottle, their number is (reads my phone number).”

“No,” I reply, “That’s my phone number.”

“Well, you’re going to have to change your phone number because you can’t have two places with the same number.”

Over the last few years, I have lost my ability to respond to ridiculous concepts with any tact or grace. At my age, I am still surprised by how quickly I go on the defensive.

“This has been my phone number for 24 years. I’m not going to change it.”

“Well, you can’t have the same number as Walgreen’s.”

“I don’t,” I insisted. “Their phone number is (gives Walgreen’s number).”

“No, it isn’t.”

“Yes, it is,” I reply, and repeat the pharmacy’s number.

The caller hangs up and immediately calls again.

“Ma’am,” I answer, “Walgreen’s phone number is _________________.”

“That’s not what it says on the bottle.”

And I’m thinking Dear God, please don’t let there be a typo on all the local pharmacy bottle labels.

But I say, with a sigh, “Ma’am, I don’t know what you’re reading, but…”

She interrupts, and reads our phone number to me.

“That is not Walgreen’s phone number. Walgreen’s phone number is _________________.”

She hangs up and immediately calls again.

“Hello Ma’am…”

“Well, shoot,” she said and hung up.

I haven’t heard from her since then, but have been thinking about the experience most of the day. For weeks, she’s been dialing the wrong phone number. Did she just give up when we didn’t answer? Did she dial the right number on occasion? What path of logic led her to so confidently inform me that we needed to change our phone number for the benefit of her and Walgreens? What insanity in her life led us to the conversation we had today?

ridiculous - adjective: deserving or inviting contempt, ridicule, or mockery; absurd.

absurd - adjective: wildly unreasonable, illogical, or inappropriate.

My use of the word “ridiculous” has increased a thousandfold since the 2020 pandemic. So much since then just seems wildly unreasonable to me, completely illogical. Almost inconceivable.

And clearly, if you watch the news or social media, it all seems inviting and deserving of ridicule and mockery.

Surreal describes something that's a bizarre mix of elements, often jarring and seemingly nonsensical.

Like a child in the Oval Office picking his nose and dropping the f-bomb. Like watching the Superbowl halftime show with my 91-year-old mother. Like DOGE coming to Wood County, WV to visit a local federal building and now three family members are looking for jobs. Like mandated federal floodplain ordinances that make flooding worse. Like eggs costing more than baby chickens.

Like a wrong number caller insisting that you change the phone number you’ve had for more than two decades because somehow, in her world, it was written down wrong.

I have shifted lately. I no longer say, “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard” because it seems like everything is the most ridiculous thing ever. Like an executive order about plastic straws, or making Canada the 51st state, or changing my phone number for one person’s convenience.

When the ridiculous is obvious but ignored, when inconceivable is conceived (and in some cases, broadly accepted), there’s no longer any need to point to the absurdity of it all. No need to insist that logic prevail. It’s the shift from ridiculous to surreal.

These days, I’m practicing a new comment: “I don’t know how to respond to that.” If logic and common sense are pointless, I truly have nothing to say. And I’m tired of arguing. Tired of insisting that right is right and this is all insane.

So, there was a flock of robins in the hayfield yesterday. It’s not a common sight, but it still makes sense to me. They are a logical sign of a spring that’s coming in spite of the current civilized insanity. I wouldn’t be surprised, on the next unseasonably warm afternoon, if I were to hear the peep of a tiny frog or two. Just as I have in many winters prior, I cling to the belief that with spring, all things will improve, and all will be better than it is now.

This winter though, I have real doubts. Even so, I will not succumb to the inconceivable. I will not wallow. I will not comply.

And I am not changing our phone number.