Choosing Resilience over Resistance

You cannot resist chaos or corruption. Without rules, there is no community.

Photo by Trường Quyết Tâm on Unsplash

resistance - the refusal to accept or comply with something; the attempt to prevent something by action or argument.

resilience - the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly; the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape

During my short stint as a public library director in a West Virginia county that never wanted a public library, I learned very quickly that local officials will do almost anything to skirt items outside their own agendas. In West Virginia, public libraries must have a local “sponsor,” a local entity that provides financial and in-kind support.

Gilmer County, where I worked, was the last county in the state to establish a public library. Because the county had a college library, none of the local entities wanted to sponsor. In some counties, this organization is the school, in others the county. In Gilmer, the public library is sponsored by the town of Glenville. In the contract establishing their sponsorship in the late 1970s, the town was noted as offering $5,000 per year of financial support.

By the time I became director in 2019, that had somehow dwindled to $1,000 a year with free mowing and snow removal. Local library funding had shifted to a levy on personal property taxes in the county, in combination with state-provided funds. I inherited the position when the board discovered that a month before Christmas, there were no funds available for payroll or bills.

In an attempt to increase local financial support, I contacted two school board members for possible ongoing funding. The school system no longer had a librarian at the middle/high school, and the new elementary school didn’t even have a library included. The school system had over a million dollars in funding available. I felt a $ 5,000-a-year stipend was reasonable.

The proposal was shot down at a school board meeting because I had not followed “proper procedure,” which was, apparently, to request the funds from the school system’s financial guru, an employee of the system inside the board office, a building where the doors are automatically locked, even during business hours.

I was incensed. Since when does approaching elected officials with a request become “improper procedure?” I wondered if Civics was even taught in the school system since clearly, the school’s procedure doesn’t take civil rights into account. Clearly, civics isn’t really taught anywhere anymore.

And that was before Covid Recovery Funds landed.

State librarians were instructed to apply for their Recovery Funds from their local sponsor. I had my itemized $12,000 request ready as soon as the funds were available, in June. Did the mayor add the request to the July agenda? No. August? No. September? No. It was presented to the council in October, without any notice to myself or my board, with the agenda for the meeting posted on the mayor’s office door. During the meeting, the mayor told the council members that the library had already received Recovery Funds from the county - a bold and obvious lie. The council approved $3,000 of my $12,000 request.

When I left the library, I had all intentions to get involved in community projects and service. The first organization I approached had closed meetings, zero transparency, and was hiding assets to keep below the threshold of mandatory annual audits.

The second organization I joined also had no transparency, was holding meetings without agendas, paying volunteers, and intentionally preventing voting members from being properly informed.

The third organization I joined held a fundraiser that brought in more than $3,000, which was immediately given to the organization’s “creator” for back rent — leaving another several thousand in back rent still to be paid. A dozen more fundraisers would not cover the rent due on an unused space that kept shrinking in square footage over time.

A fourth organization I thought of joining has a president who openly, regularly, and vehemently used social media and back-stabbing methods to threaten, lie, attack, and bully anyone who questioned the organization — while at the same time meeting weekly for “prayer on the porch.” This, from a group that keyed my car, attacked my faith, harassed my local family, and threatened our farm.

And then the local newspaper reported on a same-sex rape case, including the words labia, vagina, and penetration on the front page of the paper. My in-person response to that in the newspaper office ended up with me getting arrested for trespassing when I refused to leave until I had spoken my piece. (I pled no contest, and recovered my financial costs from supporters in less than four hours.)

I might mention here that all these folks are Republicans, but honestly, I don’t think that’s my point.

My point is that for YEARS, transparency and accountability, civics and ethics have been fading. Shock value and personal agendas have ruled from the highest echelon to the lowest levels for years. The concept of “you can’t do that” has long been replaced with the knowledge that no one is going to stop them. Legal loopholes and lack of civic engagement has allowed our collective ethical standards to decline. For a very long time, Americans have believed and behaved as though the ends justify the means.

I see so many people talking about billionaires and corporations who are currently ruining our country. But corruption and unethical behavior are not relegated only to those with big money. Billionaires and corporations have spent decades without regulation and oversight, yes, but so has everyone else.

As a library director and then as a volunteer, I was angered and frustrated again and again by the leaders who showed no shame, regret, or guilt. My perhaps-could-have-been-handled-better responses to their corruption (yes, lack of transparency IS corruption) hurt no one but me. I quit my job (and was replaced only once they doubled the pay) and withdrew from any civic engagement.

Now the call to arms is to “resist” and “build community.” Yeah, right. My community leaders would tar and feather me and run me out of town given the chance. My position was underpaid, under-supported, and under-valued. My demands that “things be done right” and “people be accountable” did nothing more than earn me the label of “that woman,” invite threats, and bring out the bully and cheat in folks I thought were good people. I could not “go along to get along,” and that has cost me any sense of community, possibility, or security.

When no one complies with the rules, there are NO rules.

My world has become very small. My ability to trust and have faith in good people has diminished to nearly nothing. I understand that any value I may hold or develop to be part of a community will more likely be squashed, stolen, or taken from me. I am “other.” I am “not from here.” I am “that woman.”

Every day I resist. I resist fear, depression, frustration, and anger. But I also resist the thought that community is the solution. My previous efforts of resistance taught me that. When rules are not enough, resistance is not enough. You cannot resist chaos, and resistance doesn’t combat corruption.

I create order in my corner of the current chaos, and I shut out anything that does not build my resilience. I’m now working on resilience, strategic connections, and defense. Community requires faith and trust, two things I no longer have. Unless you count my faith that leaders and groups can no longer be trusted. Or my faith that cheaters win. Or my trust that people will always serve themselves — no matter the cost to others.

Resistance is energy exerted against an unwanted force. I’ve been resisting my entire life. Resilience is the ability to recover. Resistance is futile, resilience is faith, and I need all the faith I can get.