I am Not Special
Much to my disappointment and chagrin.
Many moons ago, I spent my summer teaching job skills to women about to be weaned off government assistance. The class covered basics like computer skills, resume creation, interviewing skills, etc. During our preparation for interviews, to find ways to make themselves stand out as qualified candidates, I asked my students to share what makes them special.
None of them even had the inclination to think they were special in some unique way. Their silence broke my heart. Until that moment, I assumed everyone felt they were special in some way.
My mother has told me I was special for as long as I remember. She knows the results of my long-ago I.Q. test, the gifts that God has given me, and the privileges she and my father provided, the opportunities I earned and was given. My mother told me I was special, and for most of my life, I believed her.
Truth is, I may be different in this world, but that doesn’t make me special in this world. “Different” is not “special.” The inability to be normal is not special. In fact, the inner belief that one is special in this world borders on narcissism.
In addition, the implied expectations for “specialness” align with “not normal,” “above average,” and can even reach “spectacular.” The realm of expectation aligns with those put on GenX women who, given the opportunity to “be” and “do” anything, many of us attempted to be all and do all.
Mix in the current social media pressures of “finding your niche,” “making an impact,” and capitalizing on our “uniqueness,” to incite comments, likes, and follows, and a time when we have special pronouns, special diagnoses, special tricks, tips, diets, habits, enhancements, accessories, and so many expect special treatment, we have all spent our lives seeking acceptance and approval for our quirks.
The internet and social media are both now filled with people embracing their non-normalness. We are all different, all unique. And it seems we’re all trying to show the world that our unique differences make us uniquely special.
I’ve spent a lifetime trying to get people to acknowledge my specialness. How terribly silly and self-absorbed. I have spent far too much energy trying to prove I was special in this world when really, we should only be investing energy in the ones who love us and whom we love. The average person becomes special through the relationships they build and develop. Special has turned into a worldwide trend, but we are only truly special to those who know and love us.
Frankly, I am relieved. Knowing I can stop whitewashing my not-normal, hot-mess self to create ongoing proof of specialness to meet unrealistic expectations is an extreme weight lifted. I could have been a doctor, a lawyer, a successful something-or-other. I could have been a best-selling author, a famous singer, the president of the United States.
I could have. I had the potential. But I didn’t.
I could have changed the world. But I only made dents in it.
And that’s normal. Nothing special about it.
And yet, I’m still special to those who love me, and so are you.
So, it’s a new month. Did you catch all the posts from last month?
Recording the Trivia of our Lives - Inside the Diaries of a 107-year-old WV woman.
Everyone Needs an Apron - The ultimate pairing of home fashion and function.
Jessie Jacobs-Frazier - First in our series of stories about West Virginia's Rosie Riveters
Killing Time Isn’t a Sin - Life is for living, not productivity.
Coyotes Eat Meat - We are more like coyotes than you think.
The Elk River - From Clay WV to Frametown WV.
Spirulina, The Holler Hopper - Ode to a Subaru Impreza.
Spring Hill Cemetery - Scenic, Serene & Spooky at Sunset.