Murdock: Lieutenant... How would you handle this?
Lieutenant: We could try ignoring it, sir.
Murdock: I see... Pretend nothing has happened and hope everything's all right in the morning?
Lieutenant: Just a thought, sir.
I’m not sure what the deal was with May this year. Without even looking, I’m confident there was something funky in my horoscope, some planetary alignment that instituted some should-have-learned-long-ago lessons in a quick, brutal, succession. A month-long experience of tough love from my guardian angel repeatedly slapping me upside the head.
Some people only learn the hard way. I fear I might be one of those people. I want to fix the world, fix people, fix situations, and work towards my concept of a solution. In other words — control.
Of course, control is an illusion. It’s an ego-centric mindset that assumes that we know best. And oh, how people will fight and claw over control. It makes sense. A persistent desire or need for control is linked to difficulty accepting uncertainty. By trying to control, we try to create a sense of security and predictability — two facets lost since the pandemic.
I recently came across a quote that I cannot find now, but the basis of it was that people will talk, gossip, hurt, bite, manipulate, struggle, patronize, hate, bully, behave badly, and justify it. LET THEM.
At the West Virginia Writers Inc. annual conference this past weekend, I was joyfully reunited with one of my favorite professors from grad school. Years ago, I asked this mentor how she dealt with the hateful people in the world, and she replied, “Bless them, and move on.” Such a simple concept, and yet one I have had great difficulty with. Bless the hateful? The spiteful? The mean and nasty?
You’re a better human than I am, sister.
But LET THEM? I think, perhaps, I can do that. In searching for the quote that introduced the Let Them concept, I discovered instead the “Let Them Theory,” pioneered by podcast host, author, and motivational speaker Mel Robbins. You are not disappointed or frustrated when you do not try to meet your expectations via control. ‘Let them’ is letting go of unrealistic expectations altogether, not investing time or energy in fixing what is not within your power to repair.
In the last month, I have been repeatedly shamed, blamed, attacked, excited, exasperated, hailed, hurt, and intentionally misrepresented— All efforts to manipulate me, control, or endorse someone’s judgment of me.
It took some effort, but I could “Bless this,” and move on. For me, May never happened. It’s not quite the same as blessing them, but it does align with letting them. Let them play their games, let them clamor for control, let them be who they are. My job is to deal with me. I need to control myself better. I need to stop seeing myself as a fixer of “other” and work on myself. Practice active listening, detachment, and building a filter between my brain and mouth. I need to pause and breathe before I respond to disrespect and consider first if their respect matters to begin with.
Let them, and move on. It’s okay if you leave the blessing to someone else.
I also came across the following poem related to The Let Them Theory. You may wish to clip it for your files.
LET THEM
Let them argue
let them fight
let them think
they are right
let them gossip
let them rage
let them build
themselves a cage
let them judge
let them talk
let them walk
the way they walk
let them laugh
behind your back
they cannot push you
from your track
let them steal
each other’s joy
let them silence
virtue’s voice
let them wrestle
for the throne
let them pick flesh
from their bones
but of all
you let them do
do not let them
alter you
keep your focus
on the sky
and all the beauty
you pass by
stay within
your well-built walls
and answer only
worthy calls
let them lie
if they must
it’s yourself
you need to trust.
~ Donna Ashworth
Reading between the lines, I've been there. A good message.